MyMusingsSangSpeak- Superwomen I Met in the Journey of Life

Superwomen I Met in the Journey of Life

It was due since long that I wanted to dedicate an article to the Superwomen I met along in the journey of my life. In our everyday terms, we call them Bai, Kaamwali, Maid, Servant etc. or sometimes refer to them as Amma, Didi, Mavshibai. Nowadays, they are popularly termed as domestic help, housekeeper, house assistant, helphands and so on. Generally, they are the most discussed subjects amongst my girlfriends. They also form butt of many jokes as well.

As I am a Maharshtrian, I used to get terribly disturbed by the depiction of domestic help in Bollywood and other media as the Bai was always a Maharashtrian woman clad in nine yard saree with the nath (typical Maharashtrian nosepin). I literally felt like filing a PIL back then. With passage of time, however, I mellowed and took it as part and parcel of life.

As a child, I had seen the helphands at my grandmother’s and mother’s place, those who stayed with the family and were treated like family members. They were so dependable that children and house could be entrusted with them. They ate the same food as us, they took annual holidays to meet their families back home and were looked after even when they left their jobs or retired, with money sent across for their old age and medical expenses. With changing times, I saw my mother and mother in law opening bank accounts for their respective helphands and advising them about the importance of saving and depositing money in the bank or post offices.

We were brought up with the teachings that domestic helps always need to be treated with due respect and these teachings have stayed with me and seen me in good stead in life. My mother always said that these women brave so much in their lives, they fight poverty, work at home tirelessly, and work outside and still manage to smile and go on with life. Yes, these are superwomen indeed, I realised. My daughter too recently reiterated the same thoughts as those of my Mother.

Once I got married, I had to get used to a different lifestyle, with my husband’s transferable job, there was going to be no continuity in the domestic help I would be employing. In cantonments, normally, the quarters are provided with servant quarters and hence, getting domestic help was not much of a problem. In my first tenure, I was juggling with far too many hats….being a new mother, setting up home for first time, being hostess arranging nonstop family gatherings and friends get togethers and many more. RatnaBai was the Superwoman who came to my rescue and assistance here. She needed the servant quarter only to keep her household belongings as her new house was under construction in the nearby village. RatnaBai came from a well to do family, her husband dropped her at my place daily in the morning on a two wheeler. She went about her work most efficiently, in a no-nonsense manner with utmost cleanliness and discipline. She used to see my daughter, who was about 2-3 months then, sleeping peacefully and she used to tell me- Madame, this baby will become very naughty and her words came to be completely true.

In about a year’s time, we got posted to the North East region of the country and here the Superwoman happened to be Manju, who had two small children and was working because her husband had left her. In this area, mostly the women worked in the tea gardens and domestic help was hard to come by. The area we lived in was nearly jungle frequented by elephants and other such wild animals so not many ladies opted to work here.

Again, after about a year, time to move on and settle in a new place and home. Here, my superwoman was Sumitra, a clean and neat Bengali lady, who worked very well and taught me many things about Bengali cuisine. She used to carry the tender Neem leaves from my garden to add to her recipe of Baigun Bhaja. I learnt about the Kashundi and the palm jaggery from her. Sumitra also used to carry the extra stalks of cauliflower and the green pea shell covers, the ones we generally discard. She showed me how they use all these discarded vegetable parts to make tasty recipes.
She used to tell me about her daughter getting married and all the preparations she was doing by collecting various items. It so happened, that around this time, my husband had misplaced his watch, it was the one gifted by my father in law and I turned the house upside down to search for it. Our Sahayak suggested that as Sumitra was speaking of gifting watch to her would be son in law, we must check at her place and I said, why she would gift an old and used item. Despite my arguments, he did go to her house and clarified by asking to see the gifts. Eventually, my husband’s watch was found and I feel guilty to this day as to why did we doubt Sumitra. I repented and prayed to God to forgive me. Sumitra extended a loving invitation to attend her daughter’s wedding and I did so readily. She had this neat looking, well-kept house with happiness overflowing. God Bless Superwoman Sumitra.

Two years on and time to move to the capital of our country. For, the first year, I did not employ any help and managed all by myself. Once we shifted to government accommodation, I employed a superwoman named Gajendri. Here, the people were smart enough, but, the ladies would keep working for the sake of quarter and other reasons like husbands not working or supplementing family income as they could not meet make the ends meet.  Gajendri had 2 sons and one daughter and lived in a joint family with her in laws and there were about 11-12 people living in a single room quarter. I attended Gajendri’s kids’ birthday parties. Gajendri’s real sister Bala was her co-sister, she was married to her younger brother in law. Bala and her husband picked up the trash from our colony. Bala would come in as replacement when Gajendri was absent. Bala had 5 daughters and was pregnant for the 6^th time. Bala’s husband would beat her up regularly and I would try to put some sense in both these sisters’ heads as to how they should be opposing this. Around this time, Delhi had an epidemic of Dengue and Bala contracted it. Still, she came in for work. It was our time to move again after a period of two years. I myself was undergoing some medical complications and hence, could not keep much track of these two superwomen. Hats off again to these mighty strong girls.

Now, we shift to the north part of the country. Here, the domestic help would traverse jungle paths and come for work. They did not reside in the quarters. Kaushalya was the superwoman here, she worked at many homes in the cantonment through the day and returned home in the evening, collecting firewood on the way. Her sister Laxmi also would come in the complex and both would replace each other taking turns in each other’s absence. I came to know after long that these real sisters were married to one man. As the weather used to be extreme here, generally, these women demanded a shawl when we got posted out. Given the harsh cold weather conditions, one shawl was hardly anything. Three years plus and time to move again to a new destination, after having said our goodbyes and one shawl presented to each of these two sisters, we travel again to settle in the central part of the country.

SindhuBai is the new superwoman here. She stayed in the quarters and did her job well. She had three children, husband was doing some temporary jobs off and on. Close to two years and we shift to a new place again. In this place, the quarter is huge and has 2 servant quarters. I had kept two young girls, both had small toddlers in tow and I somehow managed the show with both of them. One was Mangal and the other was Sangita. Mangal was beaten by her husband and then, she would keep running to me. Her husband was one good for nothing character and I used to warn him that I would complain to the police.

Three years pass and we shift to our own house. I employed nobody and managed everything by myself. My daughter did not like this situation at all. I saw my neighbours squabbling with maids and I wanted to avoid this as I had never done it. My Mother tells me even I need to change with times, so I argue with her that as the basics were taught by her, to continue with the same help for years together, how could I incorporate the change. So, I avoided employing any domestic help. Five years passed and time to move on.

I join my husband after a long hiatus in his new place of posting. Here I employed MeenaBai, another Superwoman, who works tirelessly with a family of 3 children and non-working husband. I try to motivate her children to study, goad her daughter and sons to pursue education at all cost as they have the benefits of free education by virtue of being economically backward as well as belonging to scheduled class. We could help them to get their Aadhar Cards as they did not have a permanent address. 
Two years on and time to be back in the capital and again no domestic help. Here, I employed about 4-5 Sumans, for a period of 2-3 months….and it was time to move again. Here, I have again not employed anyone for about 7 months till I shifted to permanent accommodation. In the last year, I changed 2 helphands, yes, I am getting used to the new ways.

Times have changed, and, I have to accept that fact. The bonds, connects are not made anymore. Bureau services have emerged, police verifications are in, living standards improved and aspirations have led to taking up new jobs as salesgirls, beauty parlour assistants, housekeeping services etc.  It is high time that standardisation comes in this service sector. It is heartening to know that many organizations have come up for the upliftment of this unorganised service sector.

I loved to have this personal connect with these Superwomen, wherein I could help this marginalised section of society as much as I could. I learnt a lot from them too, their undeterred spirits, the will to get on with life against all odds and that too without complaining, my total respects to all these Superwomen I met in the Journey of Life, who have indeed, enriched me in many ways.